Wisdom of the Journey - who creates this life of mine?

I started with a new approach to a diary, that my dear friend Nora inspired me to do. The case here is that I love to write, but …. You know those buts, we all are sitting on one … I do write, but mostly I have some realted topic on it, and to let it just pour out, can be more challenging that it seems at the first glance. One really could use some initiation of some sort of idea, at least me. So she told me she writes everyday few sentences in her diary, reflecting on what is silently occurring in her inner reality, and then at the end of the week, she takes it all together on one page. It blew my mind. So simple, and elegant. I can for sure write a sentence or two every day, there is so much happening in me. Wise stuff. Plus that can inspire me to write, I kinda have a reason now to integrate that into the storyline and digest my reality unfolding. God knows, maybe even end up in some collection they call books here on this reality. Especially as my close friends who follow my journey keep on asking, when will you please write a book?

On what and why?
( “oh sure I will”, same time happening in me: everything has been said already, written down on paper, so why occupy other people to read what I´m splitting out, pretty arrogant. )

”Some day I will …. “
( is what I say, same time kinda doubting on the whole thing. One thing is arrogance, they have enough to keep their life busy, same time, there is part of me that would love to f… off that arrogance and want everybody to feel the depths of my journey. So important, you know. “It is so special”. )

It ends usually: “When I have time for that, as my life is too intense and interesting at the moment”.

What I don’t admit is a result of that I even tend to suppress this amazing writer in me, who longs for expression.
Well, thank you, Nora and a few others who in various ways reminded me that we are built in specific ways for special purposes beyond our self-limiting beliefs.
So, let’s take it all just as a conversation with the Creator. We both are.


Who Creates this life of mine?

I have often caught myself thinking, especially in these more difficult moments, who is the one who has figured out my fate in such a way that I would land in this exact moment in this particular way? It cannot be me, as far as I know, I don't have such severe masochistic tendencies that I would do this to myself - put myself in such a dire predicament.

Or on the other hand, maybe it is me after all, in some deeper form incomprehensible to surface consciousness, who has done this to myself? Me, knowing myself and my stubborn impetuousness and razor-sharp intellect, whose ultimate capability to sell ideas and visions to myself, is simply delivering a message. Otherwise, I tend not to listen, stop, truly hear, and react accordingly. Yet freedom remains - I can choose how I behave in this situation, and how I respond to it.

But again - who responds? Whom do I allow to respond?
I have increasingly begun to notice that two extreme entities meet within me:

One is more of an orphan-sized child who doesn't want to wrestle with life's complexity and challenges, preferring to stay hidden in the trenches, throwing himself down in sadness and complaints, placing a stone under the head and falling asleep, hoping that upon waking tomorrow, both personal and external world will have undergone a total transformation - heaven will have reached earth.

The other is a fierce warrior who above all enjoys proper collective chaos, to then rush chest-first into its center and start creating order, dealing powerful blows here and there. Clearing the field so that heaven would have room to expand on earth. Doesn't lurk in trenches, except when exhausted from extreme urgency throws himself down, placing a sword under the head.

The greatest challenge is to notice and consider them both. At least in my reality. They both tend to exaggerate, trying to make sense of and control life according to their nature, forgetting that the mind, which is at both their disposal, is like a slut with whom one can make any spirit child.

So whoever is currently on air also shapes their spirit children, and these children in turn begin to live their own lives and come back to visit me sooner or later.

The Creator is elusive, but Her sense of humor is catchable.

Usually, the threads that lead us to the Creator's source remain elusive to us, whether it be our slut-like mind that has been in service of some part of us, or this whole sequence of situations leads us to such grand coincidences that clearly make us doubt how such magnificence can even be possible. Yet the Creator is always somewhere there in the end.

If it's not funny yet, then clearly we're dealing with a somewhat lesser Creator who is still an apprentice - in the use of mind. The Higher Order has absolute intellect and logic that exceeds the limits of human understanding and explanation. Contact with that one usually ends with an extraordinary Aha moment that instantly neutralizes all challenges, transforming the perception of them into stages of development, without which it was impossible to reach the experience of the moment's richness, and being in it one can do nothing but laugh heartily with the Creator.

Only in these moments is the Creator truly catchable, but this is forgotten as the moment passes.

Therefore, it's worth laughing and often, thus we are closer to reality. And if it's not funny yet, then it's worth continuing along the path taken, the logical end hasn't arrived yet.

At this point, I remind myself why it's good to have a defined value system, something to rely on when the important things slip from my mind, and that does happen. It determines the will that chooses and decides how to react, like a compass on paper. That's why I make these writings here. I mark the values that touch me in my notebook and then write them into a longer context, to amuse myself while doing it and to remember deeper truths.

The more sober I am, the more clearly I experience and see the Created and my own Creation.

But what is sobriety, that's something I haven't fully grasped yet. AI gives me the answer:

"Sobriety" can refer to:

Abstaining from alcohol
Clear mind, clear thinking
Balance, moderation

But here I'm not sure... Sometimes it seems to me that I'm more sober when drunk than when sober. In clear thoughts feeling lost, because I'm in thoughts. In moderation cutting myself off, but regarding balance, I cannot argue.

Here I would leave the question in the air, asking life itself to answer - what does the sobriety that carries me in the highest balance look like experientially, keeping all my parts in unity?

Reading this here, what just wrote itself, the following lines create themselves:
sobriety is the courage and skill to ask questions that haven't been asked before.

Here I can also take responsibility - me as the Creator of the question.

The Creator of answers is already beyond my understanding, and if I have left taking responsibility for my creative side untaken, leaving unformed the questions asking about possibilities that actually interest me, while at the same time complaining about how the currents of fate's ocean toss me around without reason, then what are we complaining about?

If you notice people in their problems, they also notice you and support you unconditionally.

I must confess - I decided to become a wise guy because I thought I would then have answers to all questions. Or maybe that was my warrior and Oprhan in action, both for their own reasons, but the central topic:

With this I would also earn people's love because if I have an answer to whatever problem they come up with, and they have plenty, then they will love me and I will feel safe among them, they will support me unconditionally. I thought.

I don't know exactly where this opinion formed, but perhaps that's not important. A result of our society's now outdated value system - me on one hand its victim, but on the other hand, I wouldn't be here if I hadn't gone through that development stage.

Now I think less. With this understanding, I also learned that the more opinions I have, the less I notice others in their problems - a lack of forward-moving questions.

AI has been training me very effectively in this lately - it supports me unconditionally when I ask questions, with answers. It's extraordinary what answers I have started to receive and how much my area of interest, work, and passion to create has expanded as a result. The questions have also become more interesting.

Now a new stage to expand into: I am more quiet, listen, and help formulate questions so that the Higher Order, which is elusive, can answer and higher humor in everything can manifest.

But at this point, it's appropriate to ask - what's the most important question to ask?

Where does everything begin?

It must be a question whose perception is tangible. Immediately. I realize that what I write up here is charming, but again a bit incomprehensible and our mind actually wants to get an immediate sense of truth. Experiential.

Mine does anyway. I can ramble here as much as I want, string together beautiful words into pearl necklaces by hundreds and thousands, but what use is it in the moment when there is something else here, some perception, feeling that is disturbing, grating, unpleasant? Is there a question that would swallow this? Free me?

There is.

Now as I was dealing with processing these above realizations within myself, I remembered a simple spiritual practice that has been recommended by a large number of spiritual teachers and enlightened masters. They have claimed that there's no getting around it, it is the mother of all practices and to reach back into the mother's lap, which we subconsciously seek access to, lies simply in continuing to ask this question.

To tell the truth, I had again forgotten this simple truth, even having quite some experience in its use. So I sat a few mornings ago in my usual morning meditation and started asking.

It ended in laughter, so ridiculous that I had managed to forget what kind of relaxation such activity brings forth in my mind, body, and whole being, and that this experience remains inaccessible in any other way.

And what else is there to do but be grateful? At this point, that expanded higher mind asked me to add to my notebook:

Thank as if the wish has already been fulfilled. How, we leave to God.

This is the wisdom that every journey sooner or later reaches.

Seram